The Healing Lab: Auditing Your Labels
Are the stories you tell about yourself actually true — or are they ones you inherited, adapted, or took on to survive? This month's Healing Lab experiment is deceptively simple: spend seven days noticing every fixed label you use to describe yourself, and ask one question — is this true, or is this adapted?
In this episode, Jessica walks you through the clinical framework behind this experiment (narrative therapy and the research of psychologist Dan McAdams), explains how repeated self-stories literally become the self we inhabit, and guides you through a small but powerful practice: catching the story, holding it up to the light, and trying a gentle rewrite when you're ready.
This isn't about tearing yourself down. It's about getting intentional — keeping what's genuinely yours and loosening your grip on what was never really yours to begin with.
This week's experiment:
For the next seven days, notice every time you use a fixed label to describe yourself — out loud or in your head. Pause and ask: is this actually who I am, or is this who I learned to be? If the answer is adapted or inherited, try one small rewrite. Not a declaration — just something a little more honest and a little more spacious than the original.
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Resources & Links:
Narrative therapy and the self-narrative research of Dan McAdams
identity therapy, narrative therapy, fixed labels, self-concept, adapted roles, who am I, identity healing, inner narrative, self-limiting beliefs, IFS, parts work, emotional healing podcast, mental health podcast, anxiety therapy, LCSW podcast, healing podcast for women, self-awareness, internalized beliefs, identity work, Jessica Colarco LCSW
Transcript
Welcome to Healing is My Hobby, and welcome to our Healing Lab segment, where each month I test real life practices to see what actually supports emotional healing. This month's experiment, Auditing Yourself Labels. We've spent three weeks on identity this month. We've looked at where it comes from, we sorted out our roles, and asked some hard questions about which ones we actually chose.
Today's experiment is the next step, and it's simpler than you might expect. But don't let that fool you because simple isn't the same as easy. Here's what I want you to do, either right now or as an experiment you carry into this week. For the next seven days, I want you to notice every time you describe yourself with a fixed label.
A fixed label sounds like this. I'm just not a person who
I've never been good at that's just how I am.
I'm not the kind of person who
I don't do that. I a lot of times will hear clients say things like, you know, I'll never forget that. I'm never gonna forgive that person. You know, anytime we're also using kind of like always never, that indicates some black and white thinking and some distortions as well.
Anyway, every time you catch yourself saying one of those phrases out loud or in your head, I want you to pause and ask one question. Is that true or is that adapted?
Remember, adapted are roles that were given to you by your family, your culture, your birth order, your gender, expectations that were in place, or roles you took on because you had to. They kept you safe. They kept the peace. They helped you belong or avoid conflict or earn love. They did something important for you, but you never consciously signed up for them.
Asking yourself, is this actually who I am? Or is this who I learned to be? Here is the clinical principle underneath this experiment. It's called narrative therapy, and it comes from the research of psychologist Dan McAdams. The idea is that the stories we tell ourselves, the ones we repeat, literally become the self we inhabit.
When you say, I'm not someone who asks for help, when you say that enough times, you stop trying to ask for help. Not because you can't, but because the story has become the fact.
This experiment is about catching the story before it becomes permanent, holding it up to the light and asking, is this actually mine or did I inherit it? And then, and this is the stretch goal for this week: if the answer is inherited or adapted, I want you to try a small rewrite. Not a dramatic declaration, not I'm a totally different person now. Just a small, honest rewrite.
Instead of instead of I'm not someone who asks for help, maybe it's I'm learning that asking for help is safe. Instead of I'm just someone who takes care of everyone, maybe it's I take care of others really well, and I'm still learning how to take care of myself too. This is small, true, and a little more spacious than the original.
And here's what this experiment tends to surface. Some labels will feel totally neutral. You'll hold them up, ask the question, and think, yeah, that one's actually mined. I like this about myself. And you keep it. That's important. The goal isn't to tear down everything, it's to get intentional.
Because some labels, especially the ones you've been carrying the longest, might feel tight, constricting, like a sweater that fit you when you were 12. Those are the ones we want to get curious about. Some labels might carry a charge, history, some grief. If that happens, if you pull on a thread and something unexpected comes up, that's okay. That's actually the work. You don't have to fix it this week. Just notice it.
Maybe write it down.
The Healing Lab is never about getting it right. It's about getting honest. This week just notice the stories. Ask if they're true or adapted. Try one small rewrite if you feel ready. And next week we're closing out the month with something.
And next week we will be wrapping up season one.
I will see you then. If you'd like to read my blog or stay up to date, you can sign up for the newsletter at healingismyhobby.com. You can follow me on Instagram at Healing Is My Hobby or on YouTube at Healing is My Hobby. And if you would like to know more about my clinical practice, you can visit Jessica Calarco LCSW.com or follow me on Instagram at Jessica Calarco LCSW. Remember, you are worth it.
