This Might Be a Trauma Response: Overcommitting, Teeth Grinding, and Stress Headaches

Jessica Colarco (: 00:08

Welcome to Healing Is My Hobby, the podcast where we explore the tools, practices, and curiosities that support mental wellness and personal growth.

Today's segment we are calling, This Might Be a Trauma Response. And this is the part of the show where we take a closer look at everyday habits and stress patterns that might seem ordinary, but could actually be connected to how our nervous system learned to protect us in the past. Remember, trauma responses aren't signs of weakness.

their survival strategies.

light on them, we can better understand ourselves and begin shifting from surviving to healing.

As you know, this month we're focusing on stress. We all experience stress, but sometimes the way we respond goes beyond everyday pressure. That grinding jaw, that exhaustion you can't shake, could it be stress? Or a trauma response. Trauma responses are coping strategies, our nervous system developed to survive past experiences.

Sometimes they show up in everyday stress patterns, even when we're not in danger.

Today we're going to look at stress headaches, grinding your teeth at night, and over committing at work. First let's look at over committing at work. You ever find yourself saying yes to everything at work only to burn out later? Through the stress lens, This can look like people pleasing under pressure or wanting to be seen as reliable. But through the trauma lens,

It might be about a deeper fear of disappointing others, a survival pattern rooted in needing approval to feel safe.

So through the lens of trauma, if we have a compulsive need for external validation, right, when someone's identity and self-esteem were based on their accomplishments as a child, such as getting good grades, they may have learned to constantly strive for success to feel worthy of love or attention. As adults, this translates into chasing external validation through work achievements. Another thing I think about is fight, flight,

freeze or please, where newer studies on trauma explore the fawning response.

The fond response to trauma,

is a survival strategy where we appease others to avoid conflict or rejection so a person may say yes to everything, take on too much work, and neglect their own needs because they fear losing the approval of their boss or colleague.

So sometimes when there's chaos when a person is a child or a lot happening or trauma, that person might find themselves looking to care for others, make sure everyone else is okay and putting their own needs on the back burner, which then can look like overcommitting as an adult, right? That can turn into overcommitting with work as an adult.

The journey here would be to focus on your own worth and practicing self-acceptance. We no longer want to get our validation externally, but how do we shift that inward? We wanna treat yourself with the same gentleness you'd show someone you love. This can be as simple as taking a break when you're tired, speaking kindly to yourself in the mirror, giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. Over time, small compassionate acts

builds a foundation of acceptance.

So I think a great tool before we automatically say yes is try pausing with the phrase, let me check my schedule and get back to you. That small pause creates space to make a decision that supports you

not others. I often tell clients that. I think that's such a great response. We always feel so much pressure that we have to say yes right away or give a response right away, but just saying let me check my schedule and get back to you. I always say let me talk with my husband and get back to you. So if you have a partner, a roommate, other people you need to check with, I think that's a great way to put a buffer ahead of your need to please somebody else.

Jessica Colarco (: 04:15

Also continuing to look at over committing at work through a trauma lens. Sometimes that can be someone trying to seek control in a chaotic world. For many of us who have experienced prolonged trauma or a lack of control during childhood, work can become a predictable and controllable refuge. Overworking and a drive for perfection can create a sense of order that was absent in the past.

Perfectionism sometimes comes from being a survival strategy to create safety and predictability.

I would say an antidote to this or something to help reduce the need for control and perfectionism is just acknowledge that this was something that helped you cope and you don't need to judge yourself for the behavior. You can create meaningful routines for yourself and intentional routines can provide the stability you crave

the pressure of perfection. This might include a regular sleep schedule, dedicating certain times for meals,

or a daily mindfulness practice.

at work can also be an escape mechanism. Staying busy with work is a way to avoid difficult emotions, intrusive thoughts, painful memories.

Jessica Colarco (: 05:30

Constantly being in motion serves as a distraction, but without addressing the underlying issues. So that can lead to burnout and deeper emotional exhaustion. ways to address staying busy as a way to escape would be setting boundaries, prioritizing

in a mindfulness practice like a body scan. We do this a lot in the podcast.

where you just sit comfortably, scan your body from head to toe, notice sensations, tension, and practice relaxation wherever the tension is and being able to let that

grinding your teeth at night. Maybe you notice yourself grinding your teeth while you sleep. Through a stress lens, it's simply your body holding tension. Through a trauma lens, it could be hypervigilance, your nervous system staying on guard, even in rest. This chronic stress floods the body with hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which cause heightened muscle tension throughout the body, including the jaw.

This can also be a maladaptive coping skill, right? So teeth grinding can develop as a maladaptive coping mechanism to dealing with unexpressed emotions like suppressed anger, frustration, or anxiety. It's a physical action that the body engages in to release built-up pressure that the mind is not processing consciously. So a supportive tool here, trying a body scan before bed.

progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation is kind of like after a body scan. You go through, you kind of scan your body, you see where tension is, and you hold the tension release so you like hold your fists really tight for a while and release, clench different muscles and release. I know we'll get more into that in later episodes. Placing a warm compress on your jaw to release stored tension can also be helpful. Mindfulness, deep breathing exercises,

and yoga can reduce overall stress levels Cognitive behavioral therapy is something that can be helpful here because this therapy helps individuals identify and manage the stress and anxiety that lead to teeth grinding.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

to be the gold standard for psychotherapy. It's widely recognized as highly effective, evidence-based, and often a first-line treatment for many disorders.

I use it in my practice all the time. I've been training cognitive behavioral therapy for years. I find it to be incredibly effective for so many things.

Jessica Colarco (: 07:59

Finally, let's explore stress headaches. This is something that I have when I'm not in balance and caring for myself, and it's definitely like the yellow canary of my stress if I'm starting to have headaches. I think it's something that all of us have experienced. Stress headaches are that dull pressing ache that's across your forehead or temples, and it just won't quit. A lot of people think of them as purely physical.

There are actually several ways to understand stress headaches, and they can even connect back to a trauma response. One way to look at stress headaches is as our body's alarm system. When we're stressed, our muscles, especially around the neck, shoulders, and scalp, tighten up. That tightening can create the sensation of pressure around your head, like wearing an invisible headband that's a little too tight. Another perspective is the mind-body connection. Stress headaches can be our body's way of saying, hey,

you're carrying more than you can hold right now, and they can show up when our nervous system is on overload and needs relief. Very similar to grinding our teeth. Another layer is sometimes our daily behaviors under stress can contribute to stress headaches. Maybe we're skipping meals, staying glued to a screen, clenching our jaw, or not sleeping well. All of these patterns can add up to a headache.

When we think about headaches through the lens of trauma, it gets even more interesting. Trauma often lives in the body. It doesn't just stay in our memories. Stress headaches can sometimes represent unprocessed emotions or a protective response. For example, a stress headache can be a signal of hypervigilance if our nervous system is constantly scanning for danger, if our body stays tense, and that tension can trigger headaches.

Stress headaches can be tied to suppression of emotions. If your system has learned that it's not safe to feel or express anger, sadness, or fear, those emotions can get stored in our body and show up physically. Stress headaches can also be a form of body memory. Sometimes sensations like headaches are connected to earlier times of overwhelm or pain, even if we're not consciously aware of it.

Looking at headaches this

us move away from blaming ourselves or seeing them as just in our head and instead recognizing them as communication from our body about what needs attention. That's definitely what I do.

want to clarify that stress headaches are different from migraines. Stress headaches are usually mild to moderate. They feel like a dull,

constant pressure and are often on both sides of the head. Migraines on the other hand are more intense. There's throbbing, pulsing pain, often one-sided. They can come with nausea, sensitivity to light and sound. Both can be triggered by stress, but I just wanna be clear that they're not the same. What can we do about stress headaches? wanna go over a few practices that can really help. First, try relaxation techniques.

deep breathing, guided imagery, or progressive muscle relaxation. Moving your body's important. Even gentle stretching or a short walk

release the tension that builds up in the shoulders and neck. Check your posture, especially if you're at a desk or on a phone a lot. I can feel it when I'm getting stressed, I feel like my shoulders are in my ear, so just kind of watching. When I do, I will feel shoulder and neck tension.

prior to getting stress headaches. Don't forget the basics, drink water, eat balanced meals, and get consistent sleep. You can also try heat or cold therapy, a warm compress, on tight muscles, or a cool pack on your forehead. And lastly, give your emotions a voice. Journaling, therapy, even a supportive conversation can help release what your body is otherwise holding on to. Stress headaches are tough.

but they're also a reminder from our body that we need to pause and care for ourselves. Whether it's from day to day stress or a deeper trauma response, the invitation is the same. Slow down, listen, and give yourself permission to heal.

Jessica Colarco (: 12:05

I think really here when we're looking at these three aspects, these three responses to stress and or trauma, it's just looking at first checking in with yourself and noticing behaviors that you're doing. If you wanna deep dive into why you're doing it and get to the root of things, this is where we can go to psychotherapy. Or we can look at it as symptoms of what we're going through right now and then how do we

bring our body back to homeostasis, like we've been talking about with all different kinds of behavioral and lifestyle changes. I encourage you just to notice if you recognize any of these patterns in yourself. ask yourself, when I feel stressed, do I tend to fight, flee, freeze, or please?

And if you recognize yourself in today's examples, know this, you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you. These patterns were once ways your body kept you safe. And the good news is awareness is the first step toward change. With small practices and compassion for yourself, you can start creating new, healthier responses to stress. Change takes intention and time, so it won't happen overnight.

Remember, noticing a trauma response is not about judgment, it's about giving yourself the chance to heal. If you think this episode would really benefit someone in your life, I encourage you to share it with your friends.

you want to find out more about me, learn more about the show, you can go to healingismyhobby.com, Instagram at healingismyhobby, and you can sign up for the newsletter as well. Take care and have a great day.